Be a Victor, not a Victim

We all have experienced negative things happening in our lives. These things can range from things such as the death of a loved one; lose of a job, unexpected illness to not having the right educational upbringing. What’s fascinating is how some people react in different way to the same circumstance.

Everyone has met that one person that no matter the situation they have a smile on their face and I’m not talking a fake smile but one that moves from the way they speak, to their walk and overall livelihood. But here we are going into stories of poor me, I am so helpless and why does this always happen to me. You’re NOT alone! We can too be like that person.

There can be many reasons why we choose to be a victim. I say choose because it is a choice, it is all in the mind. It could be that we want to get sympathy and attention from people by being a victim. Ultimately we are the only ones who really know why we are choosing to be a victim and how it is serving us in some way.

I’ll share one of my reasons. In my family I’m the middle child. Despite being 9 minutes older than my sister I am considered the middle child in my family. I’m sure we all know about the middle child syndrome. Well I for most of my childhood felt left out and invisible, a contrast from my older and younger sister. While my older sister got the benefits of being the “first” and my younger sister the benefit of being the baby of the family often spoiled and coddled I often felt as thought I was nothing special that I was just there… the gap filler. Boy, it’s funny how crazy that sounds now. This pushed me to resenting both my parents and siblings competing in areas with my siblings in school, work, anything you can think of. I dove into becoming an over achiever to earn attention with my family. I was trying to prove I was worthy of love. What I didn’t realize is I already had it. The minute I was born I was loved. I rebelled before I came to realize this because I had already tried being good and it wasn’t good enough (in my head) so I figured why not just try to be seen in being bad. For years I lived like a victim. My sisters couldn’t understand and when I’d lash out and say, “they love you more than me” they’d laugh and I’d grow angrier. There were small signs that in my mind looked large enough to cause an issue. I was delusional. My relationship with my parents and siblings hit the rocks from my choice to live as a victim. Sometime ago I decided to live as a victor instead and it made a huge impact in my life and my relationship with my family because they no longer had to walk on eggshells around me.

The drawbacks in choosing to be a victim in your life is that life can pass you by. It can also have the tendency to attract negative people, circumstances and situations because of how we are feeling. I am proof of this.

When we choose to be a victor however, we feel empowered in the situation we are in. We refuse to let the situation get the better of us. We do not point fingers; rather we take full responsibility of the situation we are in. We ultimately say YES to life.

Here are some tips I’ve had to learn to choose to be a victor in life;

  • Look to the good in every situation
  • Question who is in a worse situation than you
  • Make a choice to respond

Sometimes it feels like we don’t have a choice, but there’s always a choice. Look at David in Scriptures, he moved from victim to victor. David however did not stay playing the victim role, he decided that he would much rather be the victor. Let’s move from victim to victor today.

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